Podcast: Celebrating a COVID Christmas

In at the moment’s present, our visitor Dr. John Grohol, founding father of Psych Central, explains how this isn’t going to be our common vacation season and that’s okay: We will simply make lemonade out of lemons.

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Pc Generated Transcript for ‘Dr. John Grohol- COVID Christmas’ Episode

Editor’s Observe: Please be aware that this transcript has been laptop generated and subsequently could comprise inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thanks.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, the place visitor consultants within the discipline of psychology and psychological well being share thought-provoking info utilizing plain, on a regular basis language. Right here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Howdy, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of The Psych Central Podcast, I’m your host Gabe Howard and calling into the present at the moment, we’ve Dr. John Grohol. Dr. Grohol is the founding father of PsychCentral.com and a frequent visitor on our present. He has been writing about on-line conduct, psychological well being and psychology points since 1995. Dr. John, welcome to the present.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Nice to hitch you once more, Gabe.

Gabe Howard: Effectively, we’re actually glad that you simply’re right here. Now, just about yearly since its inception, The Psych Central Podcast has made it a degree to do an episode on surviving the vacations, managing vacation expectations, matters surrounding holding our psychological well being sturdy through the hustle and bustle of the season. Final yr once I was recording that episode, I believed to myself, haven’t we lined this floor? Can’t somebody simply go hearken to the earlier yr’s episodes and get all of the perception they want? Am I simply repeating myself? The purpose being was I figured I’d skip the Surviving the Holidays episode in 2020 as a result of I simply actually felt like we’d lined all the bottom there was to cowl. After which enter COVID. And it did create a wholly new set of points surrounding the vacations. Now, Dr. Grohol, as a physician and a researcher, you’ve taken the unpopular but sensible stance of recommending that folks don’t meet in particular person for the vacations.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Effectively, to make clear, we most likely shouldn’t be assembly outdoors of our household bubble, which is simply your quick household, so if your loved ones unit of two, three, 4 individuals, these are the individuals that ought to get collectively. You shouldn’t be inviting prolonged kinfolk.

Gabe Howard: In my household, we get collectively like every year and we’re coming from many various states all around the nation, there’s 20 of us all in my dad and mom’ 1800 sq. foot ranch home. That’s the form of factor that you simply suppose needs to be placed on maintain this yr.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: You’ve, you possibly can consider as you’ve got a threat bucket each week and each time you exit and should work together in public, even with a masks, even with social distancing, you’re including a little bit tiny water to that threat bucket. And so over the course of per week, you might need 1 / 4 bucket filled with threat that you simply’ve taken when it comes to growing your threat of catching COVID-19. Now, you probably have an enormous household gathering and let’s be trustworthy, individuals aren’t going to put on masks, it’s important to take them off to eat, to drink. So there’s no protected method of actually having that form of massive household gathering with out principally filling up your bucket for that week and overflowing with potential threat for catching COVID-19. And that’s what too many individuals have achieved over the previous month or two, is that they’ve taken the flexibility to enter a restaurant or a bar indoors and take off their masks and aren’t social distancing. And that’s why we’re seeing the nice rise in new circumstances. It’s a query of how protected do you need to be? Do you need to get out on the opposite facet of this pandemic alive and in good well being? And extra importantly, would you like your loved ones members to get on the opposite facet of the pandemic alive and in good well being? Clearly, you don’t want to simply take into consideration your self right here. It’s essential to take into consideration your loved ones members and particularly those that are older or have preexisting well being circumstances, which is most People really.

Gabe Howard: One of many issues that I feel that’s necessary to level out is that for higher or for worse, the way in which that America has dealt with the pandemic is to let every state resolve, nicely, actually for itself on tips on how to deal with it. So, for instance, I’m in Ohio. My household is in Tennessee. It’s a world of distinction. I don’t suppose Tennessee ever closed eating places, whereas Ohio did for a time frame. So simply suppose that it’s necessary to level that out as a result of maybe getting collectively in Ohio, if the complete nation dealt with it like Ohio, could be OK. The rationale that I deliver this up is do you suppose that that is contributing to a number of the unrest that’s occurring in households the place individuals in numerous states are one another like, why are you canceling Christmas? We’ve achieved all the pieces proper. Why are you canceling our get collectively? We’ve been masking up. We’ve been ready for this. However in actuality, relying on the place you reside, you’ll have achieved actually nothing.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Let’s get to the meat of the matter. The virus doesn’t care about state insurance policies. The virus doesn’t care about nationwide mandates or masking mandates. The virus goes to unfold any time you’re indoors with different individuals. And a kind of individuals could also be asymptomatic. They don’t have any signs of the virus they usually’re contaminated they usually don’t know. And that’s the way it’s being unfold. It’s not being unfold by individuals who have signs as a result of they clearly perceive, hey, wait a minute, I might need the virus. I’m going to go get a check. It’s the individuals who don’t have signs, which is most individuals who get the virus and particularly youthful individuals, youngsters and younger adults who get the virus sometimes don’t present signs. They’re energetic carriers of the virus, are coming into your loved ones of 20 or 30 individuals. And guess what? They’re going to unfold it. Nobody’s sporting masks. There’s no social distancing. It’s indoors. That’s precisely the form of atmosphere the virus appears to love. 

Gabe Howard: I like what you mentioned concerning the virus doesn’t care about state insurance policies, the virus doesn’t care about politics, the virus doesn’t care about, frankly, these petty arguments. However households, nicely, they care very a lot about this stuff. And in earlier years, at any time when I’ve achieved surviving the vacations, it’s at all times, OK, you’re sitting across the desk, any person brings up an unpopular opinion. All people begins arguing, how do you handle your personal psychological well being? Now we’ve received that happening. We’re unfold out extra, however households usually are not in settlement about whether or not or to not cancel plans. And the group that’s professional canceling the plans and the group that isn’t professional canceling the plans, they’re getting in loads of disagreements. Do you’ve got some psychological well being recommendation on tips on how to handle these household disagreements so that everyone is protected?

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: All of us have to grasp, look, households aren’t going to agree on all the pieces. They could not agree on politics. They could not agree on this and that and the opposite factor and that’s fantastic. That’s adults being adults. In relation to household gathering of this nature on this extraordinary time, this can be a as soon as in a lifetime occasion. I nonetheless don’t suppose individuals have that centered of their minds that they suppose both it’s not as unhealthy as individuals say it’s or this is rather like the seasonal flu a little bit bit worse or one thing like that? No, this can be a as soon as in a century pandemic that may be very contagious, far more contagious than I feel we most likely initially thought. And so for households to disagree about this, that’s completely OK. What has to occur at that time is at any time when a member of the family disagrees with one other member of the family, you’re not going to persuade anyone. Proper? You’re not going to vary individuals’s minds. If individuals don’t consider in science at the moment or they don’t consider the scientists, you’re not going to have a dialogue with them the place swiftly they’re going to be like, oh, yeah. Now that you’ve proven me the scientific information, I fully perceive your standpoint. I imply, that’s not going to occur. So right here’s what it’s important to do. It’s important to gracefully bow out of the household gathering this yr.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: It’s that easy. It’s important to say, look, I respect that you simply guys are all getting collectively. Me and my associate, we’re going to say thanks, however no thanks. We’ll be a part of you on a Zoom name. Let’s have a Zoom name. We’ll get collectively nearly this yr. It’s one yr. We’re asking individuals to be protected for one Christmas, one New Yr’s. I do know it appears like that is you’re taking away my freedom. Hey, look, the virus doesn’t care about your freedom. The virus will kill you, whether or not you’re freedom loving otherwise you suppose that by some means public well being officers are devoted their careers and their lives to taking away your freedom. And if members of the family aren’t going to be respectful of your determination. Effectively, that simply says one thing about household, proper? That’s the way in which household is typically. And there’s not rather a lot you are able to do to vary that interpersonal interplay over this one factor, as a result of it’s a long-standing concern, a protracted standing problem in that household.

Gabe Howard: It actually appears like what you’re saying is that households disagree about issues on a regular basis and you may’t let this hit you any tougher than some other political, non secular, parenting, monetary, no matter your loved ones usually spends the vacations combating about. It’s principally the identical. It’s a disagreement throughout the household that wants managed in precisely the identical method.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Sure, precisely, that’s precisely it.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be again in a single minute after these messages.

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Gabe Howard: And we’re again with Dr. John Grohol discussing COVID’s influence on the vacation season. John, my household canceled Christmas and I don’t get to see my household, however just about every year, normally at Christmas, and this was tough for my household to handle as a result of I used to be a kind of households the place half of us wished to get collectively and half of us didn’t. What I mentioned to my household was, look, what if let’s say that all of us get collectively, all of us have Christmas, all of us have a beautiful day, after which any person will get COVID and will get very sick or heaven forbid, even dies. Is that the reminiscence that we wish of 2020, is that the danger that we need to take? Unusually, I wasn’t nervous about the one that received sick or handed away. I used to be nervous about what would occur to our household, the survivors. How would the survivors take it? This could lengthen this trauma perpetually. Is {that a} affordable factor to be involved about?

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: It’s a method of trying on the state of affairs and definitely a rational and logical method of it and saying, hey, what concerning the worst-case situation? As a result of that’s how we make loads of selections in our lives. We take a look at the danger ratio and say, is it actually value, you already know, going skydiving with, you already know, the 0.01% probability of parachute failure or one thing? And a few individuals take a look at that and say, nah, it’s fantastic, I’m extra more likely to get hit by lightning they usually bounce out of a airplane and hope the parachute opens. So it’s the identical form of equation in relation to this household gathering for this yr. Do you actually need to have that dying or that even the sickness? As a result of COVID is not only one thing that comes after which goes away after you’ve been handled. There’s a important minority of sufferers. I feel it’s one thing like 20% of sufferers who get the sickness, who should be hospitalized after which who endure persevering with signs for months on finish after the sickness has gone away. So it’s not essentially simply one thing that you simply get and also you recover from.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: So to introduce not solely the potential for dying, but additionally the potential for a continual well being drawback from getting COVID-19. As soon as you set all that right into a bundle and take a look at it, you possibly can say, wow, like I actually hadn’t considered it that method. And I actually don’t essentially need to be accountable for one other particular person’s dying or sickness or any form of inconvenience simply because I have to see their head to head versus over a Zoom chat. And that’s the necessary factor. We will nonetheless get collectively. We’re simply asking individuals to contemplate doing it, you already know, nearly relatively than in particular person this yr due to the astounding case charges we’re seeing. It’s simply it’s an upward quantity. That’s it’s unbelievable. It’s far worse than spring. And a few well being consultants warned those who the winter was going to be tough and this might occur. And sadly, we’re seeing that. So I feel it’s in everybody’s greatest curiosity to actually take that lengthy view and to say, hey, do I would like anyone else’s well being issues on my acutely aware?

Gabe Howard: John, my household agrees with you, I agree with you, and I feel many households agree. So let’s discuss making lemonade out of lemons. We’ve now determined that we’re not going to get collectively. Now, you’ve been alluding on this episode which you can get collectively through Zoom, however after all, you possibly can’t change presents over Zoom. Proper? know-how

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Positive you possibly can.

Gabe Howard: The know-how simply is just not there but.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Positive you possibly can. In fact you possibly can. Why are you saying you possibly can’t change? You’ll be able to ship the presents per week or two forward of time. Individuals have achieved this for years previous to this the place they dwell abroad or they dwell in a state of affairs the place they will’t get away they usually can’t bodily be there. So that you simply should make allowances. It’s important to suppose issues by a little bit bit and spend a little bit additional effort and time placing collectively a care package deal, principally of small presents if you’d like, or persist with present playing cards, which you’ll even ship nearly now.

Gabe Howard: You simply e-mail these issues proper over

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Sure,

Gabe Howard: That’s a superb level.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Look, it’s not the identical Christmas as you’re used to. I get that, OK? This isn’t going to be a traditional Christmas, even in the event you make the selection to get collectively. It’s a bizarre Christmas. It’s a bizarre vacation season. It’s going to be a bizarre, it’s going to be, sadly, a protracted and tough winter till the vaccine will get into widespread use and other people really signal as much as take it. You’re summertime earlier than you get the numbers needed to actually fight the virus.

Gabe Howard: I actually like what you mentioned about it’s not going to be your typical Christmas, it’s not going to be your typical New Yr’s, it’s not going to be your typical vacation, however it may nonetheless be a great one. And it jogs my memory of when my sister was within the army. Now, she was within the army earlier than Zoom was a factor. However the cause that I’m bringing this up is we clearly wished to see my sister over the vacation. We wished to spend Christmas together with her. We love her very a lot. And it was the planning that allowed us to have memorable Christmases. Now, to ship her stuff in Iraq, we needed to mail it actually two months prematurely. So, we have been planning Christmas in October and November to guarantee that it received to her after which she would get it. After which she didn’t have a assured time to name. There was, you already know, time variations and clearly she was busy being a soldier and all. So, we’d all have to take a seat across the telephone from like midday to eight as a result of that was her window. And really, that window was like 8 p.m. to three:00 a.m. It was a really tough window, however we did it and my sister did the very same factor from Iraq the place she mailed us her presents. Really, she despatched them through Amazon. So, she was far more intelligent than we have been. However with all of that planning, all of us sat round a speakerphone and all of us opened the presents that we received for my sister and that my sister received for us all collectively. And now all these years later, due to that effort, due to that planning and since we understood that this was the state of affairs, we’ve loads of recollections about it. And naturally, my sister says issues like once I was within the army, we didn’t have video conferencing. It’s now a cheerful reminiscence. If individuals get on board early and acknowledge that, do you suppose that can enhance the end result of their holidays this yr, Dr. John?

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Yeah, completely, and it’s necessary to have these conversations forward of time, like proper now to be speaking about Christmas and as quickly as potential deciding what you as a complete prolonged household are going to do. And if some individuals are uncomfortable with not taking part in a head to head gathering, as we’re recommending they don’t, getting these presents within the mail as quickly as potential or simply eager about different methods, sending a card or with a present card in it or one thing of that nature could be adequate this yr. Once more, this can be a very uncommon time. It’s a as soon as in a lifetime state of affairs. Simply should drift, roll with it, as a result of it’s not one thing you’re most likely going to have to fret about in 2021 if we lastly get the virus beneath management with all of the vaccines coming down the roads, take a look at it as an uncommon state of affairs and try to be a little bit bit extra versatile than you ordinarily could be. I perceive households can get into these inflexible patterns they usually don’t ever need to change the traditions. They usually suppose just like the traditions are so necessary. And look, they’re to some extent, however traditions shouldn’t trump widespread sense. And that’s what we’re asking individuals to have interaction in a little bit bit extra of once you’re seeing such an increase in circumstances that it is advisable use your widespread sense and say indoors, no social distancing, no masks. That is what the virus likes. We most likely shouldn’t do it.

Gabe Howard: Dr. John, as at all times, thanks a lot for being right here. Do you’ve got any final phrases for our listeners earlier than we jet on out of right here?

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Yeah, look, it’s Christmas time, I get it, you possibly can nonetheless benefit from the season, you possibly can nonetheless go for walks down the road, you possibly can nonetheless get pleasure from purchasing nearly, if not in particular person, as a result of they could want to shut the retailers once more or whatnot. It’s a tough time and we’re all going by this. The coronavirus is the enemy and we’re all lined up in opposition to combating this enemy and we’ve to be united in that combat. We will’t have individuals saying, oh, I don’t consider a coronavirus isn’t an enemy. It’s not such a foul virus. No, it’s a unhealthy virus. It kills individuals. It kills a thousand People a day. It is going to be over the quarter million mark after we recorded this. We have now to deal with it severely. And also you do this by making these small private sacrifices for one yr and by taking private accountability for the selections and the behaviors you interact in as a result of you’ve got the flexibility. All of us have the flexibility, each considered one of us in serving to to fight this enemy, to combat in opposition to the coronavirus and the unfold of the coronavirus. And if we’re united in doing this, we’ll finally achieve success. But when we ignore the science and we ignore the great scientific recommendation, we’re simply going to contribute to extra American deaths, extra of your neighbors getting sick, and on this case, doubtlessly a few of your loved ones members coming down with the virus. And that’s one thing I don’t suppose any considered one of us desires. We don’t need to see a beloved one within the ICU on a ventilator. That might be actually the worst method of ending 2020 is to have that to occur. I’d simply ask our listeners to contemplate this stuff as they’re making their plans for this yr.

Gabe Howard: And once they’re making their plans work along with their family members to make the second-best recollections that they will, I’m not an optimistic particular person. However I’ve to inform you that a few of my greatest recollections have been when issues didn’t go as deliberate and all of us pulled collectively as a household and made it work anyway. I actually do consider that is a chance that every one of America has, actually all the world has. However all of America proper now has the chance to actually make this a really distinctive and memorable and nonetheless glad vacation season.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Completely, completely. I can’t emphasize what you simply mentioned sufficient, and we’re all going to have these recollections of the pandemic of 2020, we’re all going to recollect what we did and the way we received by it. And it’s going to be tales that we inform not solely our kids and our kids, inform their youngsters it’s one thing that’s going to be handed down for generations and the way you dealt with it, how you bought by it, the way you made it by the opposite facet alive and stored your loved ones protected. I want all people a really merry Christmas, a really glad vacation. I hope all people stays protected and nonetheless finds a method to benefit from the holidays.

Gabe Howard: John, I want absolutely the similar for you as nicely.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.: Thanks.

Gabe Howard: To all of our listeners, please have a really glad vacation season. My title is Gabe Howard and I’m the creator of Mental Illness Is an Asshole, which is offered on Amazon.com. Or you should buy it instantly for me. I’ll signal it and I’ll throw in Psych Central Podcast swag. Simply head over to gabehoward.com. It makes an important vacation present. Wherever you obtain his podcast, please subscribe. Additionally, please rank and overview. Use your phrases and inform different individuals why they need to tune in as nicely. And keep in mind, you may get one week of free, handy, inexpensive, non-public on-line counseling any time anyplace just by visiting BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We’ll see everybody subsequent week.

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