Name: Unhappy campers.
Age: Tents date to the iron age, so this particular form of unhappiness is at least 3,000 years old.
Appearance: Wet, cold, sleepless, hungry.
Well, that’s camping for you. And also glamping.
What? I thought glamping was the luxury form of camping where you sipped champagne and slept in a posh tent that was nicer than your bedroom. That’s what visitors to glamping company Cloud Nine’s three boutique pop-up sites thought, too. Until they arrived.
And then what did they think? “More like Chernobyl than Champneys,” was one comment. “It was like a living hell while we were there,” was another.
That doesn’t sound good. Visitors to the sites complained about check-in hassles, substandard catering, activities being cancelled, dirty showers and a lack of electricity and wifi. “Didn’t really live up to the image it paints on the website,” according to one guest’s verdict.
Any positive comments? Most people admitted the staff, though confused at times, were very helpful.
Was anything reminiscent of a luxurious glamping experience? The prices, apparently. A night in the double Nordic tipi will set you back £788.
To sleep in a tent? That’s like paying to be shipwrecked! Yes, but with Covid restrictions still hindering foreign travel and traditional accommodation all booked up in the UK, more people are turning to camping for their summer holidays.
Wouldn’t they rather stay at home, indoors? Apparently not – 500 new camping sites have been set up just this summer, on top of 90 new ones from last summer. And bookings are up 233% year on year.
I guess camping is always there as a disastrous last option. Not for long. Tent sales at online retailer Trail Outdoor were up 60% on the same six-month period last year. Other retailers are having trouble keeping up with demand and may soon run out of stock.
Oh well. And even if you have a tent, many pitches are already booked up by holidaymakers for the rest of the summer.
Those people should pray for good weather. Too late. It’s already been a summer of lashing rain, flooding and high winds, with worse to come.
Is there any good news? Cloud Nine still has some availability. It concedes that there have been challenges in its opening weeks but has promised it is working to “resolve these issues as a priority”.
Do say: “I’m praying for sun, but I’m preparing for rain.”
Don’t say: “Actually, at this point, I’m praying I’ll be struck by lightning.”
