Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics.
It went from sunlit uplands to, “Everything will be confiscated. Welcome to the Brexit, sir,” pretty quickly, didn’t it.
Yes, Brits arriving in the Netherlands have had their ham sandwiches taken off them by border guards because, under EU rules, travelers cannot bring meat and dairy products into the bloc.
Video footage from Dutch TV showed a hapless Brit asking a customs official at the Hook of Holland (soon to be renamed the Ham Hock of Holland) “Can I take off the meat and leave me the bread?” and being told, “No.” Oh, and don’t even think about, er, posting a ham sandwich to Europe and eating it upon arrival as you’ll be hit with import duty.
Sadly, former Belgian Interior Minister Jan Jambon was unavailable for comment.
Thankfully, there is another option for Brits who don’t want to be parted from their reformed meat-based lunch — drive off as fast as you can and don’t get caught.
According to French officials, speeding tickets and other fines for motoring offenses issued to British drivers in the EU can no longer be enforced. British drivers can still be issued on-the-spot penalties if caught by the cops, but in reality will no longer be sent fines after returning home. However, the same also applies to EU drivers in the U.K.
As well as speeding in the Cotswolds, the French are also looking forward to the return from space of a dozen bottles of Bordeaux. The wine spent a year in space to a) further agricultural science and b) see if the astronauts at the International Space Station could resist the temptation to get wasted and head to the moon to see if it really is made of cheese, ideally a Comté.
Someone who’s no longer driving, drinking wine or eating ham sandwiches is our old friend Jake Angeli — who also goes by the name Jacob Chansley and whom you might know better as Bison Man. After being arrested following his prominent role in storming the U.S. Capitol, Angeli refused to eat the prison food because it wasn’t organic.
His mother told local media outside the courthouse in Phoenix that her 33-year-old son “gets very sick if he doesn’t eat organic food.” He sounds like just the person to lead a coup and the resulting bloody civil war.
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“I’m afraid the snowman’s now part of your coronavirus bubble and the only person you can have contact with until August.”
Can you do better? Email [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque
Last week we gave you this photo:
Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag (there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze).
“Primary schools reopen after an extended break,” by Charles Kingsmill.
Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot news editor.
